The day Darcy Alice Browne entered the world
I will never, ever forget March 4th 2014. That day is etched into my heart and soul as the single best day of my life. I became a mother.
As you've already read in my previous post, pregnancy was not something that I enjoyed. Not only was I extremely anxious due to a previous pregnancy loss, I was also suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Kate Middleton (hopefully our future Queen one day) is battling it again for the second time and my heart goes out to her. It's absolutely soul destroying as it makes you detest your own body for not coping with carrying a baby.
So when my due date of February 20th 2014 had come and gone, I was so ready to evacuate this baby from my womb! I wanted to meet this little human, who I had built such an intense love for and bond with. When carrying your child, it feels as though it's just you and them. Part of me didn't want to share her with anyone else, because every kick or hiccup was something only I could feel or know about. But trust me, above all else I just wanted her here safely.
Throughout your journey into motherhood you will hear all kinds of stories regarding labour. Some wonderful, some verging on barbaric. I learnt of perfect pregnancies suddenly going very wrong. This fear was so overwhelming, I found myself awake at night in a panic. I just couldn't lose this baby, not now. She was my Darcy and I was her Mummy.
I decided that no matter how much I needed to scream or shout, I would not allow my pregnancy to go too far overdue. Pre-Eclampsia had other plans for me. I started to get signs of it very rapidly. Protein in my urine combined with high blood pressure was enough for the senior Doctors to induce me early. Although I say early, I was still 10 days overdue by the time I was induced! Our local NHS allows up to 15 days overdue before they intervene. I would never in a million years have allowed myself up to that date. The risk of cord accidents (where the baby's ambillical cord wraps around their neck) or the placenta failing, increases as does the increased risk of a severe blood loss.
So I was booked in for an induction on the 3rd of March 2014. I spent the night before eating a wonderful meal of sausages, eggs and peas (my favourite!) and trying to prepare myself for the massive life change that was about to hit me harder then a car at 100mph. On the morning of my induction, I (for some insane reason) decided to apply a full face of make up. Yep, I know what you're thinking! What a nutter. As you can see in the photo, I look blissfully unaware the absoloute hell I was about to go through.
**WARNING - MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS. I can't write my birth story without giving you all the information so for those who are squeamish, you may want to skip to the ending!!
Now this is where shit got real folks. So it was about 11am and they decided to start the induction. Which basically involves them placing an internal pessary which contains hormones to kick start labour. Nothing too uncomfortable. I felt nothing and when they checked me in the afternoon, I wasn't dilated much. Matt had to then go home as I wasn't in established labour! This was torture as neither he nor I slept at all that night. I couldn't sleep as the contractions had started building, becoming more intense and quicker. At about 4am I had my first of two baths (you guys now how bath keen I am!) and the midwives even added a little mood lighting. I was quite happy until it was time to get out. Ouch. A couple of hours later, I decided to have a second bath to help the pain as I wasn't allowed anything except paracetamol. As I got out of the bath, the pessary came out (it's like having a strange flag up there!) and I called the midwife. She decided to do an internal examination and said that I was dilated enough to have my waters broke. This is when all hell broke lose and my birth story became a nightmare.
I'm now going to describe in depth, what I can remember! So there I was, happily waiting to get transferred over to delivery. Matt and my Mum had arrived (she brought these amazing chocolate biscuits that I was happy to demolish whilst suffering with what felt like the worst period pains!). At one point I remember my brother coming and seeing me kicking off, in my pants and not making a lot of sense!! Haha! I remember them saying delivery was busy so I would have to wait until a bed was available. Okay, I can handle this I thought. The worst bit was, I couldn't have anything stronger then paracetamol until I was on delivery. So there I was, contracting to the point where I was hunched over crying, shouting at the woman in the next bay who was complaining at something so trivial (oh yes, I forgot to mention I was on a bay of 6 people!!!) and well, I lost my shit. Majorly. I kicked off, got gas and air and fell into this hazey, spaced out world where nauseous feelings were coming and going. One moment I was high and pain free, the next I wanted to rip Matts head off to putting me in this situation. The midwife who I had during the day was so lovely, she was trying her best but it got to the point where she realised they either get me over to delivery now or I was going to give birth there and then!!
I remember being wheeled over to delivery, getting onto the bed and being in the most horrific agonising pain I had ever imagined. At one point, I thought I was going to die. Darcy had flipped back to back and was basically pressing on my spine. I had no underwear on, legs all in the air and had lost the small amount of dignity I had left. The wonderful midwife Gabby, kept me going. I was so high off gas and air, that I kept thinking I had heard her voice before in a dream. She broke my waters, noticed merconium (Darcy has opened her bowels due to the fact she was distressed) and realised Darcys heart rate was dropping. I work in a hospital, so I understood everything the midwives were talking about. I lost control. This is the worst thing you can do during labour. I just wanted her OUT! They were concerned that I may need an IV hormone drip to get things going and recommended an epidural. I never wanted one and was so deflated when I had to have one. It was horrific. It was sited wrong so ended up having it done twice. Then it only covered half of my body so I could feel the pain more intensely. Trying to sit still when you have horrific contractions is IMPOSSIBLE. Gabby stayed way beyond her shift to ensure I was okay and Holly took over. I don't remember much about Holly as she came in right as I was about to push. The doctors said I needed to push Darcy out within the next 2 hours, or they would do a c-section. I pushed and pushed and pushed. I pushed when she told me not to (which left me with a second degree tear down there!!) however, in 3 big pushes, her head was out. She was silent. I thought my life was about to over.
And then Matt said, she had her eyes open and was looking around the room. I cannot ever explain the relief at that moment. I pushed again and she was born!!!!!!!!!!!! At 21:47. She was placed on my chest and just stared at me. I counted her toes and fingers, she wasn't crying but I could see she was okay! The placenta has started to detach very quickly which the midwives were concerned about but I didn't end up having a large blood loss. I was breastfeeding and being stitched up at the same time. Matt held our daughter and I just felt love like I can never describe. I was so proud that my Mum was there to share that moment. She brought me into the world and now she saw her granddaughter into the world. Matt and Mum stayed so calm throughout the entire ordeal, that it did help me get through it. Once the placenta was out, I was starving (and didn't feel sick anymore!!!!!!!! HORRAY!) so they made us some toast and squash. Honestly, it was magnificent. They started telling friends and family and I just felt blissfully happy. I was 24 years old and I felt so grateful to God for giving me this moment.
I want to give a special shout out to the incredible midwives and doctors that brought my baby safely into the world. Norfolk and Norwich University hospital, you rock!!
But my biggest thanks will always be to Matthew. The love of my life, father to our daughter and my biggest supporter. I love you so much and will never, ever be able to put into words how grateful I am for our daughter.
So Darcy Darling, this is for you. I hope you read this back one day and know the story of how you came into this beautiful world. Mummy and Daddy love you so much. You make us proud every single day.
I'll be surprised if you're still reading at this point but thank you if you are.
Stay tuned!
Love Marissa and Darcy.
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